Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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