a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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