First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
