i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
