Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
