she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
