dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
