Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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