She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
