after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
