it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
cat food counts as protein by the way
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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