grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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