Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
