Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
