i just wanna soil my oats bro
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Randomize
