The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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