Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
