What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
