I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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