3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
