I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
