Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
