Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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