Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize