I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
