I wish life had little blips of pornography
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
