dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
