I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
