I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
