Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
