I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
