Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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