Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she looked like the before picture.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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