Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
