Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
