I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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