this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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