my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think my moral compass just broke
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