$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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