Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
