does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize