i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
