i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
