I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
