i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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