There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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