I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
