I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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