You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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