Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we're making bets on your personal life
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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