Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
