i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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