I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
