fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize