True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
