we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
