Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
