watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
