bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
