they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
