Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
