My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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