Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
