I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
