i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't deserve a penis
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
