belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
