i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
