He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
